Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
