Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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