Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
