Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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