how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
