Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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