And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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