I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
