party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
