I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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