420 ftw
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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