you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
