The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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