Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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