I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
