In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
