i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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