I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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