I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
