I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
where are my eyebrows?
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