He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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