Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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