I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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