life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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