I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
