Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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