he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
