Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
