Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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