I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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