i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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