The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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