glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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