I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
