girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
