apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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