Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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