We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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