I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
