If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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