I think my fart just growled at me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
