Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
