i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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