my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
