What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
