i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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