Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
