Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I lost the right to judge tonight
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
