Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
