your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
