Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
