we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
