is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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