this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
