ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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